My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
