Cold hands, warm shart.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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