you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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