the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
splinters make it hard to masturbate
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
