I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
