I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dick very happy bro
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
