Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
