One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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