is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
