got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Is Oprah even human
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
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