fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
