brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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