Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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