Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
