I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
