I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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