Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
