I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
