i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I love you. Go after that dick
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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