If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
