haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
