Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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