I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I will die if light touches me.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Too much gin, very little bucket
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
