I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
