I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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