I have demons in me.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
