Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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