Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
