I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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