so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
