Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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