Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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