I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
