he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
