giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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