After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
