At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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