Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
