Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
