You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
All the doctor said was why
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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