Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
