and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
