$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
