Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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