Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Say something about gay babies.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
