Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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