We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
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it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
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