When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
