i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
