it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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