dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
