shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
