well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm both gender and math confused
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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