Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
