it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
