i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
