She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
