I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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