if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
