All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize