I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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