Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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