he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
