You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
