so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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