Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
