Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
