Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
