using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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