White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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