Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
