my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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