So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
