i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
