I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
