One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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